Coming home to ourSelves

Do you know the sensation of coming home? The way that your mind, your body, your spirit can relax, knowing that this is where you belong? Can you imagine feeling that way in every moment, with every step you take? How far do you feel from that in this moment?

On the first day of the workshops that we run at the temple where I work (http://www.templeofthewayloflight.org) we sit in a circle and introduce ourselves and each of the participants explains what it is that brings them to the jungle, and what sort of answers they are seeking from the workshop and from ayahuasca. One of the most commonly repeated phrases that I hear from people is, “Since very early on in my life, I knew I was different”, or “I knew that I didn't fit in,” or “I knew there was more out there than what I saw in the world around me”. This leads me to reflect on the idea of “consensus reality”, and the “norm” of human nature. We are indoctrinated with the belief that things like jealousy, greed, competition and other scarcity based behaviors are simply “human nature”. None of these behaviors make us feel good, we are constantly seeking ways to “fix” or heal these attitudes in ourselves, to escape from jobs, relationships, even societies in order to get away from those energies, nevertheless we continue to affirm for ourselves that this is “the norm”. Is there not something a little backwards here?

I realize, listening to these circles, that each time that we say to one another, or to ourselves “ well that's just how people are”, we are strengthening the legitimacy of that belief system that we must act in these ways in order to Survive, or even “get ahead” in the world. We have swallowed this idea that the world “IS” a certain way, and that we must adapt our ways of being to fit into this norm. At the same time, we acknowledge that we create our own realities and the world “IS” the way that we see it.

In this moment of my life, I live in a community that is removed in many ways from the pressures of modern society, and I see this as an opportunity, as though in a laboratory experiment, to create with others in my community the “new norm”. This means that our actions and our interactions are guided by our values and our hearts, rather than the ways that we feel we are “supposed to be”. This is not simply a Utopian ideal, it involves constant self-reflection and evaluation. I find in myself that the layers of fear and mistrust, the beliefs that I must protect myself, and compete with others to get ahead, have been woven deep into my psyche. This type of reevaluation occurs in the most subtle ways, and can show up even as a sense of resignation, of “why bother”, when confronting a situation that feels out of alignment. I recognize that each time that I feel resigned to accept that “that is just the way things are”, I am denying my own power to create the type of relationships, community and life that I believe in.

Unlearning this is of course a process, a daily practice that requires a deep level of faith in my own values, a commitment to living from the heart, and finally a trust and openness to co-creating with others in my community. I have no doubt however, that this is the only way for me to live.

Every time that I move in the world with this trust, speaking from my heart and allowing others to respond from their heart, my body relaxes, my breathing deepens, my awareness and I come closer to home.